My Ship is Sailing in...

I will keep this short and sweet as that is about all I have in me right now.

Can I first just say this is a very strange place that I am in emotionally right now. It is uncharted territory for me and I am not sure I am the right Captain for THIS particular ship.  I am trying to be though.  I am giving it my all, fighting the big huge waves of emotion with whatever ounce of rationalization and strength I have left in me at THIS moment.  Or at THAT moment because that is how it is...one moment, I am just fine being cooped up in this room all alone watching Netflix, reading books and magazines.  Getting up ONLY to use the restroom. (which in and of itself is enough to make any ship in my conditin sink.)  THEN there are the OTHER moments when I am a WRECK!!  Literally!  The pain is overwhelming allthough... I AM healing and this pain is a BETTER pain than I was having before surgery.  So my nerves are SHOT. I am SO short fused.  Any loud noise or commotion, I just can't handle right now. I tend to act like a child...I cover my ears, start to cry and beg EVERYONE to just go away for a moment and let me find my CENTER again.  You know, get back on course.  Come back to the reality of what IS.  

Here is what IS...

I am 7 days away from my due date.  I had surgery 5 days ago.  My hormones are TOTALLY OUT OF WHACK and my family and friends have picked right up where I left off a few days ago.  As if, nothing ever happened.  Clock work!  It is a beautiful clock and it works majestically.  It really is a well oiled machine.  It is in place solely because of the organization of the Church and I could not be more greatful.  I could NOT.  That being said, it is hard to watch sometimes, even in my heartfelt gratitude.  It is hard to just lay here on what feels like my sinking ship and watch the hands of the clock so smoothly round the face day after day, hour after hour, minute by minute.  

My heart is full.  My life is full.  We are about to have a BABY!  What a beautiful ship we get to sail on.  What an amazing opportunity to be served and blessed and feel the true love of Our Savior through the hands of others.  I can see the horizon just beyond the clouds that KEEP trying to block my view.  I am determined to keep my eye on that beautiful horizon  and let this ship sail in...completly in control realizing that I am NOT the captain of THIS ship, it is in HIS hands.  I trust HIM completly or I would have never set sail on this journey.  

To everyone that has blessed us...PLEASE know we are aware of your and your service and we THANK YOU!