The Ramblings In My Head The Night Before...

It is strange KNOWING you are going to have a baby tomorrow.  How am I supposed to sleep?  I have a million things running through my head.  Nothing of real value or purpose just stuff.  The kind of stuff that makes it hard to sleep.  So I just took my Ambien and I am hoping that soon I will drift of to dream land and that I will have a great night's sleep and wake refreshed and ready to HAVE A BABY! 

Tonight is the last night that I will quite possibly ever be pregnant.  I have said this before but it feels more real this time.  Not just an irrational thought of someone that is SO beyond uncomfortable they can't even stomach the thought of EVER feeling this way again.  This time, seems different.  I AM SO VERY uncomfortable.  Every part of my body hurts when I move.  My pelvis has felt out of place for over two months now.  My feet ache, especially my left foot.  It tightens up and I can hardley put it flat on the ground by the time the day is over.  I am achey all over.  Not to mention having to pee ALL THE TIME!!! I know it sounds like I am complaining, I'm not.  This is par for the course.  This is part of being pregnant and I have known that with the last 4 of my children.  (This all came as a surprise to me with our first!)  I REALLY LOVE being pregnant.  I do, I LOVE feeling the growing baby inside of me move and kick and hic-cup.  I LOVE IT!  I love the way I look.  I know that seems crazy but I feel like I look the best when I am pregnant.  I am no super model but it is when I am most confident and comfortable with my body.  I LOVE the way people look at me and treat me.  Pretty much everyone is nice to the big ole pregnant lady and I love that.  It is hard to think I may never feel or experience these things again.  

This pregnancy has BY FAR been the hardest on my mind, body and soul.   Mostly, my body but the three are as I am discovering DEEPLY connected.  Duh right?  RIGHT!  

SO...tonight, I am going to rub my belly.  I am going to have a good cry.  I am going to pray with all my heart that everything goes well in the morning and that our BEAUTIFUL baby girl comes safely into this world.  That she and I make a perfect team during the delivery and we are able to come face to face without complication.  

Birth...what an AMAZING adventure.  It is a BIG DEAL and my heart is full tonight.  I will also pray that my sweet Cowboy can get some sleep tonight.  He has been THE MOST amazing support to me these past 2 weeks.   I recently wrote about falling "in love" with him.  Well, it has happened again.  Who thought it possible to fall in love again?  I didn't, I just thought you fall deeper and deeper.   I guess in a sense you do.  But I have fallen all over again.  

What a lucky one I am.  

Night...