These past few weeks have been kind of crazy around here. I have not been feeling my best as my body is preparing to have this sweet baby girl. I have been tired and cranky and just not myself. I got up one morning and decided this was the day I was going to get things back in order and regain what I had lost (which was control) of my home and really myself. So I worked ALL DAY LONG! I worked hard and it was painful, really painful. It was hard and it was long and it was EXHAUSTING. I cleaned EVERYTHING and EVERYWHERE. I got the laundry caught up and put it all away. I even had dinner going. As exhausting as it was, it felt good. NO, it felt GREAT! I was so proud of myself. I was so proud that I made the decision to do this and I was getting it done. So as the day went on, with my music going I was thinking about my kids and how everything I do, I do for them. I was thinking about what it is going to be like when Lyndee joins our family. I was thinking about what life will be like when I don't have to clean up little toys and little socks and little shoes every single day of my life. I cried a little at the thought of my kids growing up. It is happening so quickly. It hurts my heart to think too much about it. Really, it does. So as I cleaned little handprints and footprints and toys from the floors, I cried and I cried. I am sure a lot of it is pregnancy and hormone related but I am kind of a spaz all the time when it comes to my babies. All of a sudden it was time to pick everyone up from school. As I walked through my home one last time admiring my day's work I felt so...fresh and good and peaceful inside. Our home looked beautiful!! I couldn't wait for Erick and the kids to see...
We got home...the kids ran in before me as always. When I walked in...this is what I found...
No kids in sight...they were in the back yard swinging and laughing together. I went out to see them and Derick said, "Hey Mom, I love the clean house!" Kash and Claira agreed with him and they went on swinging. I had to smile...because I knew that they felt the peace in our home as well. I walked in, snapped this picture and picked up their stuff. That is what a Momma does. That is what I do. I am blessed, so very blessed to have these backpacks and jackets to pick up. I am blessed that I have 4 beautiful children that give me reason to live every second of every day. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to have another baby girl. Even though, I am in pain. I KNOW it is a blessing. I know that in 5 short weeks, she will be here with us and I will have one more person to clean up after. One more person to do laundry for. One more little pair of socks to clean up. I am also so blessed to realize that ALL OF THIS...EVERY SINGLE SECOND of it will be gone in a couple of years. That is why I choose to be happy with our messes, and our chaos and our crazy life because it is perfect for me. It is perfect for our family. I don't want to miss this...I want it to stay forever...but I know, I know and I understand that I WILL in fact miss this....all of it.
3 comments:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I really enjoyed your post. Very warm, sincere, and true.
thanks for making a preggo mama cry! love this post, it is so true. same thing happens here, and you know what? wouldn't change it for the WORLD!! love ya
I feel the same way! Sometimes I have that internal struggle of wishing I had no toys in the house, and that my kids could do their own hair, and how nice it will be to just make my breakfast, not 4 others. BUT - then I get so sad thinking of how slow and boring and sad my life will be when that happens. That is why we have to just keep having little ones!! :) Hope you are feeling well, and can't wait to see pics of the new one!!
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