Some more Baby Blues...

It is HARD having a newborn!  It really is!  I think I forgot!  I think we always forget!  The first few weeks of sleepless nights, unpredictable new little one, gas drops, trying to get the hang of nursing...That has been our biggest challenge with Lyndee Lou. 

She nursed like a PRO about 20 minutes after she was born and continued to until we found out she was not gaining weight.  Then we had to suppliment with formula.  I am pretty convinced she now has "nipple confusion"  She does not latch on right to the breast anymore and has a hard time latching correctly to the bottle as well.  She can't even get the hang of a pacifier.  We have tried many!  So now, I have SUPER SORE breasts a nasty case of Mastitis and a baby that prefers the bottle to me.  Talk about a heartbreaker!!!  I am not yet defeated...but I am close.  REALLY close!  As of now, I nurse her on both sides (painful) and THEN I have to give her a bottle of 3oz.  When I pump I get anywhere from 2 to 3oz. and the Dr said that should be plenty but this little Lou Lou is a little chow hog!!  So we are going with it.  

My emotions are pretty much all over the place.  The other morning I went to breakfast with a couple friends.  It was so nice to get out.  One of them paid me SUCH a nice compliment.  One that made me feel amazing and that I was who I have been working REALLY hard to be over the last couple years.  THE VERY NEXT DAY, another friend came over to see me and the baby and as we began to visit and catch up it was brought to my attention that I had REALLY hurt her feelings recently.  It just broke my heart.  Really it did.  She is one of the most giving, sincere, and lovely people I know.   I expressed how sorry I was/am.  I am still sorry.  What took place over those two days...of EXTREME HIGH  and EXTREME LOW is EXACTLY what is happening like 25 times a day!  

I know it will pass.  I know once I start getting more sleep and my little Lou starts to get on a bit of a schedule I will feel better and have a little more control of my emotions.  My Momma reminded me that my body is recovering from not only having a baby but from surgery, from being in SEVERE pain for weeks, from laying in bed for nearly a month.  It is going to take time.  

I started yesterday keeping my Book Of Mormon out on the counter so that I can read even just a little when I pass by it.  I am trying to keep an ongoing prayer in my heart all day long for peace and for the Spirit to be with me.  I have been playing uplifting music rather than having the TV on during the day.  I KNOW these things will help me get through.  

Mostly....I have been doing a lot of this...

Which is the VERY BEST thing for my soul.