Sunday, April 1, 2012
Going Back
Well....I am sure some of you saw this coming. To be honest, I did not. Tomorrow morning, Kash and Claira Joe will be joining Derick back at Pathway! They are very excited. Claira is sleeping FULLY dressed, shoes and socks included. My heart is heavy and my eyes are full of tears as I think of what is to come in the morning. I have LOVED having them home with me every day. It has TRUTHFULLY made our lives so much easier, calmer, just all around BETTER. Which is EXACTLY the reason I started doing Homeschool. So why on earth am I sending them back you ask? UGH...I don't have a real clear answer on that myself. They just did benchmark testing and they all 3 did great. However, I find myself doubting my ability to teach them all that they need to know despite the results of the testing. Socially, they are doing great. Emotionally, they are doing better than they ever have. Especially our Kashie Boy. I am feeling like I am just not doing enough. All HS Advisors keep telling me that I am doing a great job and that this is totally normal to feel this way. Even their teachers have told me that they feel this way sometimes. That's another thing...their teachers...all 3 of the kids LOVE their teachers and miss them dearly. They constantly talk about them and wonder what they are doing. They want to visit them as often as possible. It was hard for me to compare to these great teachers. (in my mind anyways) So tomorrow morning, it is back to the grind. I am not looking forward to it. I am not looking forward to the rush of it all again. I am NOT looking forward to the homework and projects BUT, like HS, I will do it. I will do it because it is what is right for RIGHT NOW for us. I honestly do not think we have seen the last of our Homeschool Days. I LOVED it and the kids LOVED it. I don't like them feeling torn. I told them all that if they wanted to do HS again next year we will go for it. Kash and Claira Joe say they want too, Derick is undecided. We will see. Thanks to everyone that has been a support to me. That has given me a shout of confidence. That has send me an email of encouragment. I appreciate all of those gestures MORE than you know. SO, tomorrow I will cry again, just like I do on the first day of school every single year. I will probably mope around all day long and watch the clock in anticipation for them to come home. NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG...I will for sure enjoy the quiet in the house too but I will miss them. I will miss them terribly. And once again...I will PRAY that I am making the right decision for our kiddos and our family. Time will tell...It always does.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
What a Guy...
Our little Derick who is not so little anymore. According to him, he is now a "pre-teen." Having him home these past couple months has been so wonderful. He is such a good boy. He is SUCH a big help to me with the other kids. We have fun together. I love talking with him about horses and lizards and dogs and pretty much any living creature that exists. His goodness is immeasurable. So last week when I started feeling like he should be back at Pathway, I could not help but want to just be selfish and keep him home with me. I'm not sure why I started feeling this way. Things are going great with HS. All the kids really enjoy it. We briefly entertained the thought last Friday about going back to Pathway and Derick was leaning towards going back. Yesterday, I decided to ask him what he would if choose if the choice were his alone. He was not sure. So we made a pro/con list. There were more pros for HS and no cons for HS and only 1 con for Pathway. He still felt like he wanted to go back. So I asked him to go and pray about it and spend some time alone to ponder on his thoughts. E did. Later in the afternoon, we talked again and decided he would go back. My heart is happy for him and totally broken for me. I enjoy him, I will miss him. I am a wreck! I am thankful that I really like Pathway and that he has a great teacher that is excited to have him back. Derick got right up this morning and got ready. He was so excited, he barely said good bye I me this morning. He did say, "thank you."So here I sit, eyes full of tears waiting to spill over. Praying once again, that I am doing right by my boy. By all my children. The only constant in this crazy life of mine is change. So on to another new adventure. I miss you my Bubba Love!!
Thursday, February 16, 2012
A Long Overdue Update
I was doing so well...what for 2 days? Oh mercy....I REALLY want to be a more faithful blogger! More than that, I want to get my blog in a book. I feel the need to get that done. Sort of anxious even. Anyways....Onto the update already...
First thing first...My little Squishy Lou is GROWING faster than I like to acknowledge. HOWEVER, for memories sake I will. Just for a moment though. She is 10.5 months old now. REALLY? How did this happen? She is beautiful and silly. At 9 months old she started standing on her own with great balance. She is now taking steps. Not full on walking yet but she is VERY CLOSE. Just 2 nights ago she started saying "uh oh" and it is PRECIOUS. She says the "uh" part SUPER HIGH. She says Momma and Dadda too. She crawles around EVERYWHERE and LOVES Koda's food and water. She opens every cupboard she can as fast as she can. She LOVES to be outside, just like the rest of the kids. She is EVERYONES FAVORITE. I thought the excitement of her would ware off after a few months. NOPE! The 4 big kids are just as hopelessly in love with her as I am. They NEVER leave her alone...NEVER! Lou is very tolerant of her siblings love most of the time. We are still nursing! She went on strike a couple day's ago, but we rectified that and are back on track, thankfully. I am hoping to make it to a year with her. I have never nursed this long. All in all....My little Lou is BREATHTAKING. I am shamelessly in LOVE and ADORATION of this little being. She is the heart and soul of this family right now. I am in the happiest place in my life that I have ever been in and want to savor every single second of it. Just to be clear....Lou is not the only reason I am as happy as I am. It is the entire package. My Cowboy, ALL 5 of my babies, my life in general. Blessed, I am.
Now onto Homeschool!! You know when you have a baby and after just a couple days or weeks, you think to yourself, "what did I do before you? I feel like you have been in my life forever." That is sort of how I feel about HS. I don't know what I did before this. I don't know what I did without my kids all day everyday. I am still learning. I have A LOT to learn, and thankfully I have the drive and desire to do so. We are doing a program that is in conjunction with the Charter School the kids used to attend. It is called PATH. They have provided me with the entire curriculum and many resources. It has been great for me. I felt so lost in the beginning. If I'm being TOTALLY honest, I still feel a little lost but that's beside the point. Anyways, one of the really great things about this is on Thursdays, the kids go to the school for their "specials" they get to do art, dance, music, science etc. all in one day with all the other PATH students. It is a lot of fun for them and it also gives me a little break. I get to regroup, plan, do laundry or just be lazy! The kids are really enjoying HS. Derick does miss his friends at school and I really do have a lot of guilt about that. It is something that I struggle with almost daily. I think as time goes on, this will be less of an issue. I sure hope so anyways. (Derick is 10 too!! that is an entirely seperate post but SERIOUSLY....THAT IS CRAZY!) I love that boy! Overall, the kids are doing just great. We are learning together. We are changing things up almost daily. I think we finally have a schedule we are going to stick too with the most potential for all of us to learn and be happy and be happy together. One of the things that I struggled with the most when making the decision to HS was giving up my time every day while the kids were gone to school. Really, that is the one thing that I have not even missed. Funny huh? I think so. Life is good. I am doing good. I am tired, really tired. It feels like it is worth it though. So I will keep going. We will keep going, with faith.
I know this update was all over the place...Sorry for that and the mumbo jumbo babbling. Thanks for reading and THANK YOU for all the feedback and support. I often read back over the comments left on my blog. I love them. THANK YOU!
First thing first...My little Squishy Lou is GROWING faster than I like to acknowledge. HOWEVER, for memories sake I will. Just for a moment though. She is 10.5 months old now. REALLY? How did this happen? She is beautiful and silly. At 9 months old she started standing on her own with great balance. She is now taking steps. Not full on walking yet but she is VERY CLOSE. Just 2 nights ago she started saying "uh oh" and it is PRECIOUS. She says the "uh" part SUPER HIGH. She says Momma and Dadda too. She crawles around EVERYWHERE and LOVES Koda's food and water. She opens every cupboard she can as fast as she can. She LOVES to be outside, just like the rest of the kids. She is EVERYONES FAVORITE. I thought the excitement of her would ware off after a few months. NOPE! The 4 big kids are just as hopelessly in love with her as I am. They NEVER leave her alone...NEVER! Lou is very tolerant of her siblings love most of the time. We are still nursing! She went on strike a couple day's ago, but we rectified that and are back on track, thankfully. I am hoping to make it to a year with her. I have never nursed this long. All in all....My little Lou is BREATHTAKING. I am shamelessly in LOVE and ADORATION of this little being. She is the heart and soul of this family right now. I am in the happiest place in my life that I have ever been in and want to savor every single second of it. Just to be clear....Lou is not the only reason I am as happy as I am. It is the entire package. My Cowboy, ALL 5 of my babies, my life in general. Blessed, I am.
Now onto Homeschool!! You know when you have a baby and after just a couple days or weeks, you think to yourself, "what did I do before you? I feel like you have been in my life forever." That is sort of how I feel about HS. I don't know what I did before this. I don't know what I did without my kids all day everyday. I am still learning. I have A LOT to learn, and thankfully I have the drive and desire to do so. We are doing a program that is in conjunction with the Charter School the kids used to attend. It is called PATH. They have provided me with the entire curriculum and many resources. It has been great for me. I felt so lost in the beginning. If I'm being TOTALLY honest, I still feel a little lost but that's beside the point. Anyways, one of the really great things about this is on Thursdays, the kids go to the school for their "specials" they get to do art, dance, music, science etc. all in one day with all the other PATH students. It is a lot of fun for them and it also gives me a little break. I get to regroup, plan, do laundry or just be lazy! The kids are really enjoying HS. Derick does miss his friends at school and I really do have a lot of guilt about that. It is something that I struggle with almost daily. I think as time goes on, this will be less of an issue. I sure hope so anyways. (Derick is 10 too!! that is an entirely seperate post but SERIOUSLY....THAT IS CRAZY!) I love that boy! Overall, the kids are doing just great. We are learning together. We are changing things up almost daily. I think we finally have a schedule we are going to stick too with the most potential for all of us to learn and be happy and be happy together. One of the things that I struggled with the most when making the decision to HS was giving up my time every day while the kids were gone to school. Really, that is the one thing that I have not even missed. Funny huh? I think so. Life is good. I am doing good. I am tired, really tired. It feels like it is worth it though. So I will keep going. We will keep going, with faith.
I know this update was all over the place...Sorry for that and the mumbo jumbo babbling. Thanks for reading and THANK YOU for all the feedback and support. I often read back over the comments left on my blog. I love them. THANK YOU!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Day 2
Well...Today was pretty good. It is a little hard to know WHAT TO DO! The kids are anxious to learn and I don't have our curriculum yet so we are just doing workbook pages and reading and writing in our journals. Which is fun and all but it is also leaving me feeling a little inadequate of this journey. I am sure I will feel better when I have the curriculum from the Path Program.
Today as they were sitting writing in their journals, I was looking at my sweet kids and I could not help but second guess myself AGAIN! I keep doing this. I wish I could just stop it already! I can usually redirect my thoughts after a few moments but not soon enough that some of those thoughts can't penetrate my heart and soul for a moment. I think of silly things like my poor little Derick, and all of his good friends and his teacher. He is not with them anymore. There was NOTHING wrong with them to begin with. UGHHHHHH is this the right thing for him? Will any of his friends show up for his birthday party next weekend without him there to remind them of it? Oh dear, I hope so! He LOVES Social Studies...I don't know the first thing about SS. Mr. Metcalf his teacher really loved teaching that topic which is one of the reasons I think Derick liked it so much. I pray I can offer that same enthusiasm for the subject as well as the others. Then there is Kash, who honestly, I wish I could have left in school. Why? Well he is doing GREAT in school. I think he needs to be in a classroom with peers and a teacher. He had a great teacher. However, he was NOT EVEN SORT OF having the idea of everyone else being homeschooled and him having to go to school. Maybe he will change his mind. Maybe I will. I don't really think it was wrong to pull him out but I think he was just fine where he was. My sweet little Claira Joe. She also had an amazing teacher who was helping her LEAPS AND BOUNDS with her reading especially. Tutoring her twice a week on her own time etc. So can you see why my heart feels so conflicted? Can you see why I am such an emotional wreck over this? I miss the school already. I miss their teachers and friends. I miss the drop off and pick up line. I miss KNOWING that they are being taught the things that are required. HOWEVER, I love having them here. I love seeing the relationships between ALL of us already strengthening after only 2 days! I love that they want to do this and that they know it takes all of us working together to make this work well. I love that we went to Skateland last night and had a blast and got home a little late and were able to sleep in until 7:30 and still have a full school time together. Well rested and calm without the crazy rush to get out the door BY 7:30. I love that once again, we had meaningful Scripture Study and prayer.
So today, this is where I am at. I am all over the board. I still feel this is the right thing for us. It is hard. I didn't ever think it would be easy, not for one second. I didn't know my heart would feel this way though.
Day 2 is done, we are off to play together in the backyard and enjoy the rest of the day!!
Thanks again for all the love and support AND advice!
Today as they were sitting writing in their journals, I was looking at my sweet kids and I could not help but second guess myself AGAIN! I keep doing this. I wish I could just stop it already! I can usually redirect my thoughts after a few moments but not soon enough that some of those thoughts can't penetrate my heart and soul for a moment. I think of silly things like my poor little Derick, and all of his good friends and his teacher. He is not with them anymore. There was NOTHING wrong with them to begin with. UGHHHHHH is this the right thing for him? Will any of his friends show up for his birthday party next weekend without him there to remind them of it? Oh dear, I hope so! He LOVES Social Studies...I don't know the first thing about SS. Mr. Metcalf his teacher really loved teaching that topic which is one of the reasons I think Derick liked it so much. I pray I can offer that same enthusiasm for the subject as well as the others. Then there is Kash, who honestly, I wish I could have left in school. Why? Well he is doing GREAT in school. I think he needs to be in a classroom with peers and a teacher. He had a great teacher. However, he was NOT EVEN SORT OF having the idea of everyone else being homeschooled and him having to go to school. Maybe he will change his mind. Maybe I will. I don't really think it was wrong to pull him out but I think he was just fine where he was. My sweet little Claira Joe. She also had an amazing teacher who was helping her LEAPS AND BOUNDS with her reading especially. Tutoring her twice a week on her own time etc. So can you see why my heart feels so conflicted? Can you see why I am such an emotional wreck over this? I miss the school already. I miss their teachers and friends. I miss the drop off and pick up line. I miss KNOWING that they are being taught the things that are required. HOWEVER, I love having them here. I love seeing the relationships between ALL of us already strengthening after only 2 days! I love that they want to do this and that they know it takes all of us working together to make this work well. I love that we went to Skateland last night and had a blast and got home a little late and were able to sleep in until 7:30 and still have a full school time together. Well rested and calm without the crazy rush to get out the door BY 7:30. I love that once again, we had meaningful Scripture Study and prayer.
So today, this is where I am at. I am all over the board. I still feel this is the right thing for us. It is hard. I didn't ever think it would be easy, not for one second. I didn't know my heart would feel this way though.
Day 2 is done, we are off to play together in the backyard and enjoy the rest of the day!!
Thanks again for all the love and support AND advice!
Monday, January 9, 2012
1st Day of Homeschool
We JUST finished our first day of school! It went great! Last night as a family we got our classroom all ready. The kids were super excited to help. It was super fun. The kids wanted to name our school. They decided on Farabee Fantastic '5' School and Farabee's Flock. We could not choose between the two. They love that I am the Teacher and Erick is the self appointed Principal.
Everyone got up great this morning and we had breakfast, the kids were anxious to start school. We got dressed (sort of) and headed to the classroom. I don't have the curriculum yet so today was about rules and planners and review worksheets. We began with a prayer and scripture study. I got the kids each a little chalkboard that they got to draw on while I was reading to them and after, they told everyone about their picture they drew. They really liked this and seemed to pay better attention to what I was reading because they wanted to draw about it.
We then made some class rules. A whole 5! They are cute. After that, I needed to lay Lou down for a nap so Derick read to everyone. When I came back down they were all listening to him read. AWESOME!
After that we did some writing, we got out our journals and I gave them the topic, "What do you think of Homeschool?" This is what Derick wrote: I think homeschool is really cool. I like it alot because I get to spend time with my family. I also like thta Mom is our teacher. Its really nice to spend time with my brother and sisters. Its totally different than regular school. I LOVE HOMESCHOOL! How cute is that? After journaling, we did some review worksheets. They helped eachother and spoke kindly to each other! When I told them we were done for the day, they were all super bummed! haha! I will enjoy this while it lasts. hehe! So now, they are playing board games TOGETHER. I am off to start some laundry and prepare dinner! I KNOW this is the first day and we don't have our regular stuff here but this is a start and it is a GREAT START!
I have received SO MUCH love and support from so many people. I have heard a very few comments that I tried to brush off. That is something that I have always struggled with. I will keep working on that as this is something that people are HIGHLY opinionated about. That is one of the reasons that I was so private about this decision. I only spoke to people that had experience in this about this decision. This was a VERY PERSONAL decision that only Erick and I could make. Some people seem to be bothered by this. I am sorry that I hurt feelings but I am not sorry for the way we went about this decision. If I am being honest...My feelings have been hurt in this as well. The TOTAL LACK of acknowledgement from people that we are close to is sad. It speaks VOLUMES to me about charachter and love. I have worked really hard the past few years to be a better person and treat others better and mostly, to not be judgemental. I don't feel it is ANYONES right to place judgement on a decision made by another. If you are not them, you have no place. That is all for my little rant for now.
I LOVE my family, I would do anything for my kids if I thought it was the best thing for them & our family. I know this is right for us for right now. Like I previously said....I do not know what the future holds...but I am excited!
THANK YOU for those of you that have been supportive and honest. I VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT!
Everyone got up great this morning and we had breakfast, the kids were anxious to start school. We got dressed (sort of) and headed to the classroom. I don't have the curriculum yet so today was about rules and planners and review worksheets. We began with a prayer and scripture study. I got the kids each a little chalkboard that they got to draw on while I was reading to them and after, they told everyone about their picture they drew. They really liked this and seemed to pay better attention to what I was reading because they wanted to draw about it.
We then made some class rules. A whole 5! They are cute. After that, I needed to lay Lou down for a nap so Derick read to everyone. When I came back down they were all listening to him read. AWESOME!
After that we did some writing, we got out our journals and I gave them the topic, "What do you think of Homeschool?" This is what Derick wrote: I think homeschool is really cool. I like it alot because I get to spend time with my family. I also like thta Mom is our teacher. Its really nice to spend time with my brother and sisters. Its totally different than regular school. I LOVE HOMESCHOOL! How cute is that? After journaling, we did some review worksheets. They helped eachother and spoke kindly to each other! When I told them we were done for the day, they were all super bummed! haha! I will enjoy this while it lasts. hehe! So now, they are playing board games TOGETHER. I am off to start some laundry and prepare dinner! I KNOW this is the first day and we don't have our regular stuff here but this is a start and it is a GREAT START!
I have received SO MUCH love and support from so many people. I have heard a very few comments that I tried to brush off. That is something that I have always struggled with. I will keep working on that as this is something that people are HIGHLY opinionated about. That is one of the reasons that I was so private about this decision. I only spoke to people that had experience in this about this decision. This was a VERY PERSONAL decision that only Erick and I could make. Some people seem to be bothered by this. I am sorry that I hurt feelings but I am not sorry for the way we went about this decision. If I am being honest...My feelings have been hurt in this as well. The TOTAL LACK of acknowledgement from people that we are close to is sad. It speaks VOLUMES to me about charachter and love. I have worked really hard the past few years to be a better person and treat others better and mostly, to not be judgemental. I don't feel it is ANYONES right to place judgement on a decision made by another. If you are not them, you have no place. That is all for my little rant for now.
I LOVE my family, I would do anything for my kids if I thought it was the best thing for them & our family. I know this is right for us for right now. Like I previously said....I do not know what the future holds...but I am excited!
THANK YOU for those of you that have been supportive and honest. I VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
My Cat named Mrs. Momma
It is time to let the "cat" out of the bag. My cat, is named Mrs. Momma....
Starting Monday, I will be homeschooling all my children. Let me elaborate just a bit because I KNOW what most of you are thinking....WHAT THE H...E... double hockey stick is she thinking?
If you would have asked me 6 months ago what I thought about Homeschooling my kids I would have laughed in your face at the thought. It was something I have never considered. Then "it" happened. What is "it" you might ask. I don't even really know. It is that feeling you get in church when it is Fast and Testimony Meeting when your heart is pounding out of your chest and you just KNOW you have to get up there and testify of what you KNOW to be true. I KNOW this is the right thing for our family right now.
I do want to be clear on something...this has NOTHING to do with Pathway. I LOVE Pathway and their staff. All three of my kids have AMAZING teachers that I adore. Which makes this even harder for me. (emotionally)
Erick and I have prayed and prayed and prayed and talked and talked and talked. I have spoke with all my kids teachers as well as the Principal and have full support and understanding from all of them. How amazing is that?
You might ask, "what about the social aspect?" to which I reply....Um Have you met my kids? That is the least concern that I have with this. I have spent coutnless hours doing research, talking to other Moms that homeschool, visiting their homes, reading books etc. I knowwhat I am getting into. I am not naieve to think it is going to be rainbow's and glitter all the time. I know this will be a challenge for all of us. I know that I am giving up all my "free" time during the day every day and guess what...I can't wait! The way we have been living is crazy! I have 5 kids, 4 of which are involved in a lot of things combined. Everyday is a rat race. Every day we are rushing and rushing and going and I am yelling and frazzled and busy. We do a lot yes, but the QUALITY is not there. I need quality with my children. I need time with my children. I need to KNOW my children. This will give me that opportunity.
I do not know how long we will do this. It may only last 2 weeks!! I am not afraid to admit when I have made a mistake. We may go back to school next year. We may be Homeschoolers for life! I do not know what the future holds. What I do know is that both Erick and I feel a great deal of PEACE with this decision. We know we are making the right decision for our family.
So I need to ask something of you my friends and family. Please, trust me. Trust that I know what is best for my children who I would do ANYTHING in this world for. Please, hold off on any negative comments whether they be on my blog, FB or in a converstaion with someone else.
I am sorry for those of you on FB that I strung along with this but I needed to go to the kids school and let their teachers know what we were doing before I put anything out there. You are probably feeling let down at the big announcement! :) sorry! haha!
A new adventure is on our Horizon...I am excited at the possibilities with my children. I will keep everyone posted at how things are going! So starting Monday between the hours of 7-12 if you have to call me...call me Mrs. Momma. ;)
Starting Monday, I will be homeschooling all my children. Let me elaborate just a bit because I KNOW what most of you are thinking....WHAT THE H...E... double hockey stick is she thinking?
If you would have asked me 6 months ago what I thought about Homeschooling my kids I would have laughed in your face at the thought. It was something I have never considered. Then "it" happened. What is "it" you might ask. I don't even really know. It is that feeling you get in church when it is Fast and Testimony Meeting when your heart is pounding out of your chest and you just KNOW you have to get up there and testify of what you KNOW to be true. I KNOW this is the right thing for our family right now.
I do want to be clear on something...this has NOTHING to do with Pathway. I LOVE Pathway and their staff. All three of my kids have AMAZING teachers that I adore. Which makes this even harder for me. (emotionally)
Erick and I have prayed and prayed and prayed and talked and talked and talked. I have spoke with all my kids teachers as well as the Principal and have full support and understanding from all of them. How amazing is that?
You might ask, "what about the social aspect?" to which I reply....Um Have you met my kids? That is the least concern that I have with this. I have spent coutnless hours doing research, talking to other Moms that homeschool, visiting their homes, reading books etc. I knowwhat I am getting into. I am not naieve to think it is going to be rainbow's and glitter all the time. I know this will be a challenge for all of us. I know that I am giving up all my "free" time during the day every day and guess what...I can't wait! The way we have been living is crazy! I have 5 kids, 4 of which are involved in a lot of things combined. Everyday is a rat race. Every day we are rushing and rushing and going and I am yelling and frazzled and busy. We do a lot yes, but the QUALITY is not there. I need quality with my children. I need time with my children. I need to KNOW my children. This will give me that opportunity.
I do not know how long we will do this. It may only last 2 weeks!! I am not afraid to admit when I have made a mistake. We may go back to school next year. We may be Homeschoolers for life! I do not know what the future holds. What I do know is that both Erick and I feel a great deal of PEACE with this decision. We know we are making the right decision for our family.
So I need to ask something of you my friends and family. Please, trust me. Trust that I know what is best for my children who I would do ANYTHING in this world for. Please, hold off on any negative comments whether they be on my blog, FB or in a converstaion with someone else.
I am sorry for those of you on FB that I strung along with this but I needed to go to the kids school and let their teachers know what we were doing before I put anything out there. You are probably feeling let down at the big announcement! :) sorry! haha!
A new adventure is on our Horizon...I am excited at the possibilities with my children. I will keep everyone posted at how things are going! So starting Monday between the hours of 7-12 if you have to call me...call me Mrs. Momma. ;)
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