Going Back

Well....I am sure some of you saw this coming.  To be honest, I did not.  Tomorrow morning, Kash and Claira Joe will be joining Derick back at Pathway!  They are very excited.  Claira is sleeping FULLY dressed, shoes and socks included.  My heart is heavy and my eyes are full of tears as I think of what is to come in the morning.  I have LOVED having them home with me every day.  It has TRUTHFULLY made our lives so much easier, calmer, just all around BETTER.  Which is EXACTLY the reason I started doing Homeschool.  So why on earth am I sending them back you ask?  UGH...I don't have a real clear answer on that myself.  They just did benchmark testing and they all 3 did great.  However, I find myself doubting my ability to teach them all that they need to know despite the results of the testing.  Socially, they are doing great.  Emotionally, they are doing better than they ever have.  Especially our Kashie Boy.  I am feeling like I am just not doing enough.  All HS Advisors keep telling me that I am doing a great job and that this is totally normal to feel this way.  Even their teachers have told me that they feel this way sometimes.  That's another thing...their teachers...all 3 of the kids LOVE their teachers and miss them dearly. They constantly talk about them and wonder what they are doing.  They want to visit them as often as possible.  It was hard for me to compare to these great teachers.  (in my mind anyways)  So tomorrow morning, it is back to the grind.  I am not looking forward to it.  I am not looking forward to the rush of it all again.  I am NOT looking forward to the homework and projects BUT, like HS, I will do it.  I will do it because it is what is right for RIGHT NOW for us.  I honestly do not think we have seen the last of our Homeschool Days.  I LOVED it and the kids LOVED it.  I don't like them feeling torn.  I told them all that if they wanted to do HS again next year we will go for it.  Kash and Claira Joe say they want too, Derick is undecided.  We will see.  Thanks to everyone that has been a support to me.  That has given me a shout of confidence.  That has send me an email of encouragment.  I appreciate all of those gestures MORE than you know.  SO, tomorrow I will cry again, just like I do on the first day of school every single year.  I will probably mope around all day long and watch the clock in anticipation for them to come home.  NOW, DON'T GET ME WRONG...I will for sure enjoy the quiet in the house too but I will miss them.  I will miss them terribly.  And once again...I will PRAY that I am making the right decision for our kiddos and our family.  Time will tell...It always does.